Metamorphosis.

My day morphed from slow and painful to much less painful and AWESOME! It actually started at 1:00 Am, when I should have been sleeping... But I couldn't sleep due to the pain in my back/chest/head as I tried telling myself I didn't have cancer or some unknown disease that was going to find me dead in the morning... yeah my brain was going crazy. So I got April as my battle buddy to walk with me to the TMC. The TMC isn't a Sunday stroll to get to. It 's like 3/4 of a mile. Plus, it was 50 degrees outside and 50 degrees is the new 30 so I'm shaking, hurting, and sleepy. April was too, except minus the hurting. Anyway, I spent from about 1:30-3:00 at the TMC trying to get an answer as to why I'm having chest pain and back pain. I ended up leaving with a shot in my arm of something that would make me fall asleep and Omneprozal for heart burn?? Whatever, I took it and I fell asleep, and woke up the next morning around 11. Initially when I got out of bed, I was mad. The pain was still there, but the answers were not. I hobbled around my CHU trying to get ready for the day while also cleaning up a bit. A little bit later Blair and April knocked on my door to come get me for lunch. I was quiet and drowsy for close to the rest of the day. However, I started noticing that the pain in my chest wasn't as prevalent and the pain in my back wasn't as sharp. By dinner time, I was more awake and I realized that my back hardly hurt at all and my chest pretty much felt fine. My spirits were slightly raised at this point because I got another care package from my mom. Its contents: 4 boxes of my favorite home-made cookies (many of which have already been dispersed on my street in my pod) and a book called, "Heaven Is For Real." I'm VERY excited about reading this book. It's about a little boy who has an out of body experience and gets to see glimpses of heaven as he watches the doctors work on his body. I'm sure I'll be blogging more about this book soon. 
So after a care package and dinner, I was on my way to my first Choir rehearsal. That's right. Camp Taji has a little choir that has gotten together to sing on Sunday. I should add that it is a gospel choir. I am the only Caucasian aaand the only soprano. But that didn't even matter cause everyone was so warm and accepting and just wanted to sing!  So finally, after being away from madrigal choir for four years, I got to sing in a choir again. And it felt so good. I couldn't help thank God the whole time because I've been praying for a chance to sing in a choir. It doesn't matter that most of them are not musically trained. It doesn't matter that we don't use sheet music. All that matters is we get to sing to God and I'm loving it. I'm so glad I have something else to look forward to each week. We practice 3-4 times before the service on Sunday.  I have no problems with this. And by the time we were done singing, I had little to no pain in my back and chest. 

Veil Dilemma

I'm having a problem with choosing a veil. I know what style I want... I'm going with the birdcage veil. I found one that I loved at Couture Closet in LaGrange, but it was $250.00. FOR WHAT?! A piece of freakin' TULLE? Yeah, so thank God for Etsy because there are lots of people on there that enjoy making very beautiful veils... now I need to decide which one I want. So I need all my silent followers to speak up and TELL ME! I'm at a loss... I won't put the dress on here because little Matthew is a little nosey. I'm going to ask him not to look at this particular blog, but I'm not sure that he'll be able to help himself. Even if he does, he won't know which veil I picked until our wedding day, so there! Anyway, here they are! 

Here's the veil I found at Couture Closet. It's the Wendy Veil by Sara Gabriel and its expensive :( 

Here is the Wendy look a like that I would get... My concern is that the Tulle doesn't look as fine as the original :-/ 

Then I found this one! Originally, I didn't think I liked birdcage veils with the netting, but I like this one.

And I really like this one! I wouldn't wear the ornamentation on the top of my head like that though. I would definitely wear it on the side. 

All of these veils come in Ivory so that's good because my wedding dress is Ivory. 

Anyway, let me know what you think! 

Spontaneous pneumo-what?!

Thorax. Spontaneous Pneumothorax. I was told today that I don't have one, which is good. Because if you're a medical person/went through basic CLS training in the army you would know what it is. And if you're googling it right now, you just found out. And if you're too lazy to go look it up, its basically a partially collapsed lung. YIKES! Yeah, so the background story is last night after dinner, I thought I was having some indigestion cause I felt this sharp pain in my ribs, mostly on the right side. I fell asleep with it and woke up to it, but I thought maybe it was hunger pains... but after I ate breakfast the sharp pains were still there and sometimes they would move around to my back. Weird. So I decided to go to the TMC after lunch and see what was up. In the mean time though, of course I googled "reasons for chest pains." I got a lot of stuff about heart attacks, but I knew that wasn't my issue because my heart happens to be situated on the left side of my body and the pain is coming from the right... Then I read about the spontaneous phneumothorax and I was like "woah that could be me!" ... Needless to say I was a little nervous going to the TMC. Of course I got flustered as like eight super bored medics came out of no where to see what was going on with the girl complaining of chest pains. So my face got red as I took off my jacket and still had my sweater on from the morning (Its cold at night here!) and they kept asking about my symptoms while checking my vitals and for some reason I got even more nervous and then my pulse registered at like 120/something and I got even more flustered about that. I felt a hot mess. In fact, I was hot. I was sweating. The doctor even asked me if I'd ever been checked for hyperthyroid. I was thinking, "No... I think all these symptoms are just a series of unfortunate events + the fact that I'm naturally thin." It was a treat. 
So I got my chest X-rayed and they commented on how my bones looked like a 12 year olds but they didn't see anything pneumothoraxish sooo I got the old army prescription of "Drink water, don't do PT and take Ibuprofen." They think maybe I strained some muscles when I was working out... that makes sense cause I've been a gym rat for the past three weeks. However, I have to take a break for 3 or 4 days until this gets better and I'm kind of bummed about it. 
I'm still a little worried though... I was told if I still had the pains after a few days, I should go back. One guy in my unit had a spontaneous pneumothorax a few weeks before we left Ft. Hood and it had gone undiscovered for three weeks until he finally HAD to go to the doctor. And I did take some Ibuprofen. Three to be exact. They did absolutely nothing to help... and I'm concerned that this doesn't feel like muscle pain. It doesn't hurt with the same consistency that muscles hurt when you strain or pull them. It's sharper when I'm walking around and carrying my weapon. I still notice it, but its duller when I'm sitting and it doesn't necessarily hurt every time I move. I guess only time will tell. But if I end up writing my next blog or so in Germany... everyone will know why. 

Oh. Hi, Spontaneous Pneumothorax, I hope to never meet you. 

Birthday in Iraq

It could be worse. I could be celebrating my 21st birthday in Iraq and that would simply be the most depressing birthday ever. I'm sorry to the many soldiers who had their 21st while over seas. As it is, I'm celebrating my 22nd year of life so its kind of a whatever birthday. I'm not upset about being here though. It isn't like Thanksgiving or Christmas.  A day that's all about me isn't half as fun as a day that's all about family. I'm very blessed that I didn't miss either Holidays, despite being mobilized Oct-Jan. However, I will say that they weren't the same. There was a general feeling of angst I felt the moment I arrived home for both the Holidays. With just four days to spend with friends and family, I continually counted down the days until I had to leave. That was horrible. But, in roughly 7 months, I will be able to enjoy Autumn in all its beauty and holiday excitement! 


I keep hearing a lot about marital unrest in my unit. I've heard countless stories of spouses back home having issues with the distance, threatening divorce, and in some cases, divorces are already in progress do to this deployment. It makes me sad to see all of the emotional anxiety that goes with a failing marriage. I know that Matt and I are both young and our betrothal/marriage in September is even younger, but I feel so optimistic about our life together. It's partially whats been getting me through the year. Some may attribute this to being in the honeymoon phase, but I think about how hard we have worked to keep our relationship happy and healthy and I'm sure that is the biggest reason we have endured so well. We have been working especially hard at building a fortress around our marriage to make sure any temptation is quickly stomped on and forgotten. We also compromise really well. Most importantly, I know we both continually pray for God to strengthen our relationship and we ask for his continual presence to help us grow closer to him and to each other. I want our kids to look back on us and say, "that's what I want my marriage to be like." Because I know I have looked back on my parents marriage that way and my grandparents. I can even look at both my brothers relationships with their wives and use them as guides to a successful marriage. 


Anyway, to switch gears again, I haven't done much more in the way of planning the wedding. The following things are pretty much done and figured out though so I think I have time to simply browse around the knot. 
*Wedding Dress - Check 
*Bridesmaids Dress- Check (They have their fitting May 7th!) 
*Flower Girl Dresses - Half way Check. My two flower girls have their fitting sometime in the summer and the dress are being made by a friend of the family. SOOO Excited about this. 
*Chapel - Check 
*Reception Hall- Check 
*Photographer - Check 
*Caterer - Check 
*Rehearsal Dinner - Check 
*Limo - Check 
So most of the big stuff is figured out... here's the stuff I still need to worry about. 
*Guest List 
*Invitations 
*Honeymoon 
*Veil 
*Centerpieces (Although I think those are mostly figured out) 
*Hair 
*Matts Tux
*Groomsmen Tuxes
*Mother of the Bride/Groom dresses 
*Make-up 
*Salon
*Wedding bands 
*My Dress Fitting/Altering 
I think that's all.. off the top of my head anyway. The thing I'm stressing about most is the guest list. A few months ago before I left for Ft. Hood, Matt and I did a rough draft guest list... it was crazy. We had like 300 people we wanted to invite. So we decided to up the list from 175 to 200. However, I wish I could invite anyone and everyone. But weddings are expensive! Especially when it comes to the reception. Space + Food = $$$$. 

I'm a fan of this style tux for Matt. We both decided that he would look best in a regular tie. For some reason, Matt and Bow Ties seem comical. 

I miss....

A lot of random things. Of course I miss Matt, my wonderful family (both mine and his), all my friends, and the wearing of civilian clothes, but there are a lot of other things I don't think I would have pegged them as something to be missed. 
- I miss driving from school to Goddard. Walking to my car sucked, but once I was in and on my way, I loved the 15 minute drive to work I had by myself. It was the perfect amount of time to talk to God, blare the radio, or sing at the top of my lungs. I'd love to be an outsider looking into my car, because I really do talk out loud to God, and I sing like I'm in a concert soooo it's probably a sight. 
- I miss waking up the next day with nothing to do after you've had a little too much drink. I always wake up ravenously hungry and so I usually find my way to Wendy's or Taco Bell. And then the day is spent in total relaxation watching movies or going over to Matt's parents house. 
- I miss going to my history classes. History fascinates me. I had planned on watching all kinds of documentaries on Netflicks while being over here, but wait, Netflicks doesn't freakin' work!  
- I miss dressing up and going out on the town. I can't wait to throw on a dress and some heals when I get home! 
- I miss looking forward to the weekend. The last time I looked forward to the weekend, it was July. 
- I miss Crossroads. I miss the lovely people that made Crossroads my church home. Sunday was my favorite day of the week because going to Crossroads with Matt was always SO refreshing. I don't know that I ever left Crossroads feeling uninspired. 
- I miss staying at Lee and Katie's house for drill weekends. I love being able to spend time with my brother and my sister-in-law. Katie always makes the most deliciously healthy meals and we usually watch some kind of chick flick or girly TV show that Lee detests. I can't wait to add baby Elizabeth to the once a month visiting ritual :) 
- I miss being more accessible to my little sister. Danielle is one of the most profound teenagers I know and I'm so lucky because she is my baby sister. As with any teenager though, she has to endure a lot of teenage drama on top of the struggles of dealing with being an adopted member of the family. I hate being so far away from her in such a crazy time in her life. We will have many sister dates upon my return. 
- I miss being able to shower for as long as I want to. I'm not a long shower type of person, but I do enjoy the solid 10 minute shower. I can't do that here. Five minutes is probably max, and even then you're supposed to turn the water off in between lathering up hair and body. Well, I don't go that far... that is just obnoxious and so far we haven't had a problem with a water shortage. Anyway, I miss not worrying about water. I miss my 10 minute shower. 
- I miss going to the movies. 
- I miss going over to my grandparents every Sunday night. Once I got to college, I didn't get to go every Sunday so I've been missing this event for a few years now. I catch it every once in a while, but it's a tradition that I hold very dear, even though I'm not always a part of it. 


I suppose the list could go on and on, but these are all the things that I've been thinking about non-stop. I'm glad I have this time to be away from home. Its hard and it sucks A LOT but now that I'm out of my comfort zone, I can appreciate everything with more clarity. The time I spend here is Gods deliberate plan to refine me into the person he desires me to be. I also know this is Gods plan to refine mine and Matts marriage. I take more comfort in that than I do in anything else. 

Likes of the Moment

*Singers who sing with their accent - Mumford and Sons/Ewan McGregor/Jim Sturgess

*The picture frame Matt send me of us smoochin' by the fountain at Fountain Square in Cincinnati

This isn't the actual picture. I can't find the one he sent me, but we are near Fountain Square and we are smoochin' ;)

*My vanilla tree air freshener(s)

*My trendy little touch light lamp. It has a cool canvas lampshade with beads that hang down. And its a touch light, so that automatically makes it awesome.

Unfortunately, I don't have my phone to take a picture of my awesome lamp :(

*March edition of Vogue Magazine. Yeah, they have Vogue here.

*Barbra Streisand - Lover, Come Back To Me

*Katie's Blog!

*Skype calls to wake up sleepy little husbands :)

Life and Harmony; Relationships and God

I was in the shower today and suddenly I got this extreme urge to do a number of different things. 
*Sing 
*Sing harmony with Emma Snider. 
*Blog about singing harmony 
*Blog about God and relationships. 
It was kind of a weird sequence of thoughts. First I started humming, "And So It Goes" by Billy Joel. As a senior in high school, the madrigal girls sang a 4 (or maybe 6?) part harmony arrangement of this beautifully simple song. It kind of haunts my dreams and to this day. I can hear all the harmonies as I sing my part and I get goosebumps! So then I thought of my dear friend (and one of my bridesmaids) Emma. She is my most favorite person to sing with. She has the perfect alto (and Soprano!) voice. When we sing together, I take top she takes bottom and, in my mind, its magic. So of course then I thought about All-State Choir 06-07. To this day, All-State is one of my BEST memories from high school. One song we sang in particular gets me Every time. It's called "Sleep" by Eric Whitacre. When a song can incite in you 800 different emotions in the span of five minutes, you know its good. I think Eric Whitacre is a genius and I'm convinced that God gave him a vision of what Heaven sounds like. And this thought led me to my next series of thoughts involving God. I think God gives us examples of what he is like and what Heaven is like in our daily lives. He shows us his character by mirroring relationships we have with people we know. 
For example, why would anyone ever want to pro-create? What drives us to want and love babies so much? And then once we have them, what is it in us that wants the best for them? Why do we want to spoil them? Teach them, help them, and find so much delight in them? I guess hormones would be one answer. But I don't believe that the love my parents have for me is simply hormone based. I think the love parents have for their children is Gods answer to the question 'Why are we here?'   An atheist would say we're here by happenstance. That everything in the world is strictly science and can be explained as such. However, atheists are quite in the minority in this thought because the majority of people in the world believe in something even if they don't know what to believe. I think there is a reason for that. I don't believe we are just animals that happened to make it on top of the food chain. We have a purpose and emotions that are organic and purely original to human beings. Some animals exhibit parts of a vast range of emotion that we experience every day, but not one can boast the high maintenance of a human being. 
Anyway, I think God created us because he wanted children. He wanted children like I want children. He put the same desire in me and millions of other mothers/fathers so we would know how it feels to want to create something of ourselves. And create, not just for ourselves, but for something else. To create just so you can love that tiny innocent being. You know it's going to hurt, it's going to be messy, it's going to cause you heart break after heart break. You'll be scared for it, you'll cry for it, hurt for it, sacrifice for it, but its all worth the pain because something in you longs for and loves your child. This idea really makes me think about being 'a child of God.' I've heard the expression coined my entire life but I never really took it in or thought about it.  

In my mind, God has a baby book of each and everyone of us. And he looks at them constantly with the same expression and love that passed over your face as  you gazed over this sleeping baby.