The Leaves have changed a time or two...

And now its time for me to be on my way home. In the near future I will board a plane that will finally take me away from this place back to my family, my home, my husband. I'm ready to go. I'm ready to end this chapter of my life and start the next. Already I'm aware that my homecoming will not be filled with the ecstatic smiles and the overwhelming joy that I have long day dreamed of, but just the same, I'm excited to go back to the United States/the tri-state area and just stay there. 
I'm actually still wrapping my mind around that thought. I'm going to be home for good in about a weeks time. No more counting down the days until I report back to some state or country or continent far, far away from everyone I love so much. 
However, I am thankful for my time away. I am thankful for the lessons I have learned and for realizing that I'm made of tougher stuff than I initially thought. I'm very much aware that my strength comes solely from my faith in God and all the blessings I have incurred from my deployment are all because of Him. I won't lie - There were many times that I was scared. My initial entry into Iraq left me feeling homesick like I use to be as a little girl. I was suddenly aware of how far away everyone was. I use to think I would be deployed with one or both of my brothers... but God had other plans and that safety net was not there for me to hold onto. Its interesting, though, that God puts the right people in your life to help you through the situations you fear you can't overcome. And within a few days of arriving into country, I realized that a certain person was there in place of my brothers and I was comforted. 
There were nights after May 4th that I lay in my bed straining all thought and energy on the sounds outside. Was that the air conditioner finishing a cycle or did we have incoming? Would I wake up to those heart stopping booms... would I wake up at all? At that point, all you can do is pray for mercy and the Lords will to make things right. And in my time there, God was merciful.  So did I learn to overcome fear? No, not necessarily. I simply learned to trust in God in a much deeper and more meaningful way than I ever could have back home where we all sleep safe and sound.


So here I am after all of that. I didn't think this year would ever end and here I am... on the cusp of finishing. I have my ticket... and I just want to go home. 

Of course I have a Civil Wars song to reference. I literally spent all day listening to this song... numerous times on this deployment. 


My Fathers Father


I hear something hanging on the wind
I see black smoke up around the bend
I got my ticket and I'm going to go home

The leaves have changed a time or two
Since the last time the train came through
I got my ticket and I want to go home

My father's father's blood is on the track
A sweet refrain drifts in from the past
I got my ticket and I'm going to go home

The winding roads that led me here
Burn like coal and dry like tears
So here's my hope, my tired soul
And here's my ticket
I want to go, home
Home
Home

Considerations for the future; Concerns at the present.

So the month of August has completely flown by, for which I am very thankful. Obviously this month passed faster than every other month because I took my R&R this month. Between travel time and the complete 14 days the army gives to be home, a good chunk of this month was NOT spent over seas. Thank God. I needed a break. It had been about a year since I received a break from the military/military training for longer than 4 days. The next time I get a break, I will be home for good and that is right around the corner :) 
And because that is right around the corner I'm trying to get mine and Matts finances in order to make sure we have a successful first year of living together as a married couple! YAY! We found an apartment that we LOVE and we have been approved to live at Brookestone Crossing in northern Kentucky close to NKU.  Matt will be moving in sometime in October and we'll both start living there together after we get back from our honeymoon in December. 
In January I'm starting school aaaand I have officially chosen a major! *Fireworks/Confetti/Sparkles* For those of you who don't know, I have been trying to figure out what my major in college should be since I was a junior in High School. My lack of decision making is probably one of the reasons I joined the Army - I simply needed more time to figure it out. I've always known I wanted to get my degree in something. I'm not okay with having nothing to fall back on if something were to happen to Matt. So right now, the plan is to major in Human Resource Management which automatically means I'll be getting a business minor. I'm excited, but scared about my sudden decision. However, I really feel like this is the direction that God is leading me. As it stands right now, I have to take SIX math classes for this major - because the 'naturally-good-at-math-gene' did NOT pass down to Earley number 3. It actually skipped me and flew across the world to my sister... who is adopted from China. So due to not being adequately skilled in math, I am supposed to take Math 099, which counts for nothing except it allows me to then take Math 109 or something like that. However, I plan on making Brian, aka Earley number 2, tutor me with practice ACT tests and whatnot so I can take NKU's ACT in January, score a 23 or better and eliminate the need to take 2 of the 6 math classes. 4 of the classes are inevitable for my major so there isn't much I can do about them. 
Whew. Anyway, I'm really excited about Human Resources. I could get my degree in history in like a year and only take one or two math classes, but I really want to learn a new skill set and be more marketable so I can get a big girl job someday. Matt and I have already talked about me being a stay at home mom as long as the finances are going well and I still want to do that. However, once the last of the kiddies are born and off to grade school, I want to work. I'm pretty sure part of the draw to human resources is my love for "The Office." I secretly want to work with people like that... I mean, who wouldn't? 


Also something that has started taking up a large portion of my daily quandaries is: 1 car + 2 people = conflict and possible time management issues? Matt and I are really good at compromising, but I'm afraid that only having one mode of transportation between the two of us is only going to work for so long. Between me at school and his possible job at Crossroads, I think we need to be looking into adding another mode of transportation. Especially because I will still have to go to Ft. Knox each month for drill weekends... So I've been looking around online at various cars. Okay, really I've just been looking at one car in particular. I really really really want a Volkswagon Jetta. I figured Matt and I can make the one car thing work until Summer. By then we will have saved up enough to put a few thousand down for a new car. We'll wait to trade the Cobalt in until its completely paid off and then we'll get a Crossover or SUV or something bigger.  Yes, I used to own a German car and I'm pretty sure I swore I would never own one again. However, I really did love my Audi when it wasn't costing me $2,000 in repairs. So maybe I just said I would never buy Audi again? Whatever. I've heard from avid German car owners that if you treat your car right, it will last for 200,000 miles +. I also learned (after I traded in my Audi for my Cobalt) that there are a few shops in the Cinci/Louisville area that work on German cars and know what they're doing but don't cost half as much as the dealership. Also, I like nice and fancy things - so there's that. 

Hello, Sexy Exterior. 

And a fine hello to you, Sexy Interior.

And the last thing that needs to be addressed in this blog entry is this. And I'm sorry it's going to be in all caps, but it is an egregious crime that must be fixed sometime in the next 3-10 years. Bridal Designers: STOP MAKING UGLY CLOSE TOE WEDDING SHOES.  Seriously. This has to stop. Not every Bride gets married in Spring/Summer. Some of us get married when its cold outside and therefore DO NOT want to wear open toe, peep toe, or any kind of toe-showing shoe.  

No. 

No. 

Absolutely NOT

WHY? NO! 

This is literally all I can find when I go to bridal shops to find shoes. Bridal website aren't much better. All I want is that $300 pair of lacy Augusta Jones shoes - is that too much to ask for? Well yes, it is. $300 is a ridiculous amount of money to pay for shoes I doubt I would wear again. And I can't just get a nice pair of pumps because pumps usually run 4"-7" and I'm 5'3 and Matt is 5'6 and I can't be taller than him... But all the stumpy, close toe, shoes are hideous. 

I'll probably end up with a sensible peep toe. I don't know why I care so much anyway because nobody will probably even notice my feet. I don't remember what Kristin or Katie wore on there feet for their weddings and I was a Bridesmaid for both of them. 

In a final summation of current musings: I finally picked a major - it has way to many math classes, but I'm going to work around it/get over it by using my smarter siblings. I want a knew car but really I just want a cute red Jetta (No, I didn't mention the color earlier) that has everything my Audi had but doesn't' suck, and close toe wedding shoes are currently the bane of my existence. That and living in a desert. Have a happy rest of August! 

Praise in Pain

So as part of our pre-marital (just typed martial and it made me laugh a little) counseling, Matt and I have to write a Spiritual Journey paper... talking about our Spiritual Journey we've been on - past present and future. I wrote mine months ago but I haven't turned it into our wedding coordinator yet. After a prompting email from her, I decided I should look it over again and make some last minute adjustments. It sort of made me realize that in the few months since I initially wrote that paper, I have grown SO much as a person. It's sort of weird, because you don't really realize you're growing until you have something to reference back to. It only goes to show that every moment counts. Every time I choose to wake up, work-out, try my best, fail, succeed, and all of that daily stuff, I'm slowly but surely growing as a person. Even more remarkable - I'm growing as a Christian; as a sister in Christ. 
I can't help but praise and thank God for this horrible opportunity in which I have been grown and stretched. Some events force you to grow more in a smaller amount of time and the repercussions of that growth hurt... It's like being sore after a ridiculously long work out. But as you work that muscle further, and the lactic acid recedes, you can see the benefit of your labor... and you know you're stronger for it.  
Overall, this has been a test of endurance. I can honestly say, I have endured and I think I endured well. I'm beginning to thank God even for the challenges. If I'm mad, if I'm sad, if I'm too tired to think, if I'm homesick - I am learning how to praise God for those feelings and for testing me in order to grow me. 
To sum it all up - this place sucks, and I don't ever want to repeat this year, but it has all been an important life lesson that I wouldn't have learned any other way. Praise and thanks be to God. 


In other news, I am ridiculously excited about Autumn this year. It has definitely become my favorite season. And because I love lists so much, I'm going to list, in no particular order, the reasons why I think Autumn is da best. 


1) Leaves changing color = Beautiful 
2) Leaves changing color, dying, falling off branches = Catie jumping in a leaf pile. 
3) Leaf Piles = FUN! 
4) Halloween is awesome even as an adult. I can still dress up as whatever I want. However, I've replaced walking along the streets with my mom and dad in the search for copious amounts of candy for a party with friends and copious amounts of alcohol :) - Okay, not copious amounts. But I don't mind trading my king size Milky Way for a beer. 
5) I love the way the beginning of fall feels. It's crisp, its cool - but not freezing. 
6) I love the way fall has a progression of smells. It starts out with the smell of bonfires and leaves. As November comes along it smells like a mixture of cranberry sauce, baked pies, and turkey... for obvious reasons. And December smells like cinnamon and pine and snow soon to come. 
7) I have an obsession with outerwear. 
8) I love to break out my boots, hats, gloves and scarves. 
9) I love my family and I get to see them more in three months of fall than I do the other 9 months of the year. 
10) I wait 11 months to hear nothing but Christmas Carols for an entire month. 
11) Black Friday Tradition. 
12) Food. 
13) Lights. Decorations. CHRISTMAS VILLAGES! 
14) Wedding anniversary :) 
15) Wedding ceremony 
16) Scented candles 
17) Holiday movies make my heart warm. 
18) Hot Chocolate/hot cider .... not-spiked or spiked. Both are fiiiine. 
19) Snugglin' with muh hubs. 
20) Birth of sweet Baby Jesus - I saved the best for (second to) last. My entire list wouldn't mean as much to me if I wasn't so blessed with the life I have.  And the life I have is because of the Grace I have received. And the Grace I have received is because of the baby who was born who later died for my sins - even though it is pretty much decided that Jesus was most definitely not born in December. However, I think he's cool with it. 

I plan on doing this when I get home. Oh yeah, 21) I'LL BE HOME FOR GOOD!  


Side note: I realize that Christmas actually sort of straddles seasons and is technically in the season of Winter, which I don't love as much and it might be my third or last favorite season of the year - But basically October - January 1st is my favorite. 

The Capulets Vs. Montegues ... or Active Duty Vs. Reserve

As most of you know, I've spent a good deal of time away from home, starting last August. Some will remember the month long hiatus I took from work in July in which many 4loko were purchased, many movies were watched, many memories were made. When I told people I was going to be deployed, they asked when. The easiest answer was sometime in the early months of 2011, but there would be roughly six months of training that will lead up to it before I headed over. August-October 10th was spent in Wisconsin and Ft. Knox. October 10th through the beginning of the year was spent at Ft. Hood.


This is a bi-product of our training.


Needless to say - if you read the article, and read the comments - I am quite offended and extremely frustrated with this age-old feud between the active duty components and the reserve components, which is what I fall under.  So. Here is my response to a few of those comments.




Quit whining, Soldiers! Mad cause you couldn't go out drinking and clubbing every night?


-First of all. This congressional addressed many more issues not stated in this article other
than the prohibition of alcohol. It was eight pages long, stating regulations, describing in full
detail all of the issues we had through-out the entire MOB process. Our orders were for 400
days but that doesn’t count the two months of active duty TPU soldiers spent doing RTC and
gunnery before heading to Ft. Hood.


Some reservists don't get it. when in the Middle East there isn't much alcohol, you are confined to base, and can't wear civvies. What kind of Army did they think they were getting into? Boy Scouts can't even go home at night (leave the base) when at Camp Makajawan for two weeks.
178 Honorable Discharges.....and immediately please.


Actually, at least half of our task force has veterans from the Gulf war, Bosnia, and at
least one tour to Iraq previous to the current one we’re serving. There are also many who have previously been active duty and then switched to the reserves.  We don’t “get it?” How about months before active duty is slotted to go to war, they get sequestered from their families and get their basic rights taken away so they can “acclimate” to the way its going to be over here. Did we expect to train hard? Yes. And we did. There were field training exercises every other week, all of the staff worked 12 hours a day, everyone was allowed one day off a week... but on the majority of the weekends, when the active duty unit training us went to go be with their families and we weren't running any kind of training operations what were we supposed to think/do? By the time our training was over, most everyone was saying, “I can’t wait to get to Iraq.” 
Also, being confined to base in Ft. Hood is one thing – being confined in a FOB in the middle of a war zone is another. Nobody is trying to sneak off the FOB to go find the hang out spots in Iraq. And let’s not fool ourselves, despite the rules, there are still alcohol related incidents IN country. Those who are irresponsible are going to be irresponsible no matter what general orders say and they should be dealt with accordingly, but don’t punish the entire BN.


That's the problem with reservists...they put the uniform on 26 days a year...and they just don't get it. The reason the active duty folks get "special" treatment is because they wear the uniform 365 days a year (yes, they miss some weekends, holidays, and other "special" events on a regular basis). The folks in charge of preparing the reservists to go into a combat zone feel that you need at least four months of dedicated training prior to risking your lives. Would you rather they give you "special" treatment and then let you get your --- blown off? Yes, this has been a long war and you have sacrificed...but your active duty brothers and sisters sacrifice themselves every day of every year. You can quit any time...can our active service members to the same
thing?


-Our training for this deployment has been a three year task of continual gunnery, TDY (temporary duty) classes for most MOS’s, and extended drill weekends for training – couple that with a civilian job, school, and a family. Not to mention those who are AGR (Active Guard and Reserve). They ARE active duty, and they continually give up one weekend a month to train with TPU’s on drill weekend. Also, there is no “quitting whenever you want to.” It is just as hard to for us to be discharged as it is for active duty. We have a contract as well. 6 years active reserve and 2 years inactive reserve is the shortest contract offered for a reservist. We aren't asking for “special treatment.” We’re just asking for equal treatment.


Lastly, I understand and agree with a longer segment of training for reservists before entering a warzone. However, hard work and training should be rewarded somewhere. There was no reward, there was no light at the end of the tunnel except to finally leave “The Great Place” and get to Iraq. I am one of the 178 who signed and PROUD of it. I’d also like to vouch for CPT Docimo and say that he is a very smart and capable, pilot, and company commander.


So that's it. Just needed to get those few things off my chest. 


Whew, I feel much better now.

Oopsie!

I can't believe I let nearly one month go by before I wrote something on my blog. In my defense, it has been very busy here. I'm consistently working anywhere between 11-14 hours a day and I've started waking up at 5:45 AM to do my PT. It makes for a long day especially when you add choir. However, it helps the time go by faster. It also makes me neglect certain things like blogs, wedding planning, writing letters back to people etc. The only person I talk to with any frequency back home is Matt... which is as it should be. But still, I feel bad because I simply don't have the energy to talk to people as I would like to. This place is draining and I think the majority of the drainage comes from the people. I think we're all draining each other at this point. We need more than one day of not seeing each other. I'm speaking very generally here... I don't really have an issue with anyone. Certainly there are people that I don't enjoy being around, but I basically get along with everyone.

Despite my month of inactivity, there isn't much that's changed or much to report. It is literally the same shit, different day... and even the days are indistinguishable. Right now, every day is Monday. Except for Sunday. Sunday is still Sunday because that is my day off. So as you can see, there aren't very many variables in my day to day life. The next big thing I'm looking forward to is the birth of my very first Niece, Elizabeth! She's do in less than a week,  however it is Katie's first baby, so I'm sure she'll be fashionably late. I simply can't wait to meet her. I'm SO looking forward to the day that I get to hold my baby niece in my arms. Yay Babies!!!!

Maybe I'll feel more inspired when I've had more sleep. To sum things up - I'm doing well, everyone is annoyed, the days are drifting by, babies are great, and I'm really tired. I think that about covers it. I'll leave you with this.

Walking outside into this temperature makes me want to die. 

Obsessed.

2001 marks the year that I became obsessed with everything Lord of the Rings. I had never even heard of these books, nor anticipated the movies until I saw The Fellowship of the Ring. It was actually by happenstance that I even saw it in the first place. I remember the month prior my uncle took me to see the first Harry Potter movie. That was supposed to be our thing. He promised my brothers he would take them to see FOTR and that would be their thing. I remember being excited and quite pleased with Harry Potter, but still slightly disappointed that the feelings I got when I read the book weren't evoked as strongly when I saw the movie.
And then I saw The Fellowship of the Ring.
I don't know that I've ever been so lost in a movie. Not lost, as in, unable to understand what was going on. But lost in the way you lose track of time, reality, and the ability to swallow because your mouth is hanging open. I'm pretty sure I ended up seeing FOTR somewhere around seven times in theaters. I also remember throwing a FIT because my mom wouldn't take me to go see it again/pay for me to see it again. It was bad. When the movie was finally released on VHS, (DVD's were still kind of new and I'm pretty sure we didn't own a DVD player yet) I bought the movie the very same day. I had gone months without seeing it. I watched as many videos as I could online, I looked at stills from the movie, I joined fan-sites, I stalked Orlando Bloom and claimed him as my own as if he knew I existed... Pre-teens have very obsessive behaviors.
So anyway, that was my life for over three years. Counting down from trailer to trailer, reading all I could, watching FOTR daily. For at least a month straight, I came home from school and popped in that freakin' movie and watched it from beginning to end. I still know all the lines and can pretty much say them verbatim. I have witnesses. Same thing with The Two Towers, though I'm not as familiar with that script.
Sometime after Return of the King came out, my obsession ebbed, I realized that Orlando Bloom wasn't my crush, it was actually just Legolas and he isn't real :( But to this day, I still feel very strongly about these movies. Everything about them is perfect to me. The acting, the directing, the costumes, the cinematography, HOWARD SHORE! I'm pretty sure the score for LOTR is one of the most brilliant scores ever composed into existence. If the music weren't so moving and powerful or soft and graceful in the right parts, then it would take a lot away from the experience of the movies. And here's the best part.

It's happening all over again.

That's right. Found a video on facebook of Peter Jacksons first day of filming of The Hobbit. alsjkdflasjfd. I'm getting taken back to my 7-9 grade experience. I feel that wonderful longing and excitement that I felt those 8-10 years ago. SO glad. I just finished re-reading The Hobbit and I'll probably start on The Fellowship of the Ring tomorrow. I'm obsessed. I'm quite a dork. And I'm perfectly okay with acknowledging and accepting that.  So I'll leave you with this.

It is late and I don't have time to re-read this and edit. I'm sure there are many mistakes because I wrote this in a fit of excitement. 

I love wedding planning.

I really do! And not just for myself. In the process of figuring details out for my own wedding, I've planned about 10 other weddings in my head. Maybe I should be a wedding planner... but then again, I think I would get very frustrated with some of the choices people might make. 
Right now I'm most excited about my flower girl dresses and the ceremony music! My mom sent me fabric samples for the flower girl dresses because I'm actually kind of designing the dresses myself... I say dresses because I'm having TWO flower girls. I decided one wasn't enough. Okay, actually I saw a picture in Billy Grubbs studio of two little Asian girls walking down the aisle together and I immediately thought, "I'll be having two flower girls in my wedding, thank you very much." Anyway, after looking at hundreds of flower girl dresses, I basically decided I hated all of them and for some reason, I need to love the flower girl dresses. Maybe its because I was never a flower girl, and I always wanted to wear some kind of pretty, frufru dress, and walk down an aisle daintily throwing petals. So now I'm taking my flower girl frustrations out on making sure the flower girls look perfect. #Flowergirlcomplexat22. 
So, I'm having the dresses made by a friend of the family who use to make wedding dresses. This friend of the family is also taking my wedding dress from a size 8 down to a size whatever-the-heck-dress-size-I-am. So she's amazing.  

The little girl looking at the camera is wearing the dress that is similar to what I want for my flower girls. The skirt will be that length, but a little less full and the sash will be the same color and material as the bridesmaids gowns. The sleeves are 3/4 length (This is a winter wedding after all) and there will be lace that hangs off the end sort of resembling dresses in the 18th century. Think, Felicity, if you happened to ever receive an American Girl magazine. 


As for the music! Well, I'm not going to spoil ALL the fun. All I'm going to say is that I'm so so so excited about the song I'm using to walk down the aisle. It's an SATB choral arrangement composed by Eric Whitacre. The movement, timbre, dynamics, words, and basically everything about the first 53 seconds of the song, is exactly the way I feel about walking down the aisle to spend the rest of my life with Matthew Castleman as his wife. 
The music the bridal party is walking down the isle to is also perfect, in my opinion. It's soft, it's delicate, it's a classical piece, and it reminds me of snow lightly falling on a beautiful wintry day. Yes, that's right, it's the Leanne Rhymes version of "Let it Snow." 
.... 
No it's not. I would never. It is a classical piece though, and it does have a wintry, elegant feel to it. Both of the songs kind of have to have a slower pace because, unlike Kate Middleton, I don't have five minutes of Abby to walk down. It's actually the one draw back about the chapel in Crossroads. I would like a longer aisle. Oh well, I'm forcing everyone to keep it at about .05MPH. 
I'm still looking for music for the lighting of the unity candle. I don't know if that's just a Catholic thing or not, but I like it, so I'm doing it. 
As for the recessional (is that the right word?) music... the music that Me, Matt, and the rest of the bridal party walk back down the aisle to... Well, it's going to be great. I'll just say that. 


YAY! I actually listened to all the songs while I was typing this and it got me even more excited. It's a little more than six months away! YES!!! 

Consecutive Blogs!

Crazy, huh?! I haven't done two blogs in a row for a while but I feel like blogging... not about anything in particular. It's sort of a question I ask myself whenever I get online. "Do I feel like blogging today?" ... "No." And I basically go off that question. Sometimes, I feel prompted by God. I would say if anyone ever responded to one of my blogs by saying, "Oh wow, that is really insightful!" ... It didn't come from me. I'll have to start tagging God in those posts.
I got Matt's care packages today!!! YAY! My camera is perfect, I got all kinds of teas and organic honey to sweeten it with, leave in conditioner, snacks, and my bathing suit! Hurray! No more worrying about silly pool people come up to me asking me if I can cover up my shirt and shorts, which cover more than a one piece... but as a general rule for the army - if it makes sense, it's not authorized.
When I opened my packages, I just stared at its contents and reveled in the feeling of being loved by husband. I love that one of the most secure things in my life, is my relationship with him. Even from thousands of miles away, we're so much in love. Sort of sappy and sentimental, I know but I'm so proud of us. We are not one of those couples that are naturally good at long distance relationships. But God has given us the strength to get through it. Not only that, he's blessed our relationship in such a way that I've only grown to love Matt more from the time we've spent apart.  It's going to be 1000 times more amazing when we get to see each other again :)

Ta-da!  New swim suit! Complete with combat boots, M16 and trashy smirk! I sort of decided against putting this up on facebook. I have too many friends on there in the army and I don't feel like dealing with their comments. Yes, they can read my blog but I'm about 85% sure that none of them do. The suit is a little bit big, but I sort of like that it turned into a little mini dress thing instead of a swimsuit... It's better that I don't wear skin tight anything to the pool. 

Things to look forward to!

Time seems to be moving faster than I realized... until I realized it. Now, I feel like the days are crawling. Actually, I'm pretty sure that the last two weeks of the month go by slower than the first two weeks. It's very annoying. I'm trying to just look forward to July. Lots of fun things happen in July... and by lots I mean like one or two. Mainly, Elizabeth will be here! HURRAY! But we'll also be doing some preemptive packing to get up out of herr. The idea of packing makes me o' so very happy.  I've always enjoyed packing. I'm not sure why. Whenever we went on vacations, packing was never an issue for me... not that I pack things well, but I enjoy the process of getting ready to leave. I guess it was the anticipation of the vacation.
I'm currently counting down until I get Matt's care packages! They should be here any day. I'm excited to have a camera and a swim suit! Yay for husbands being awesome!

Matt and I have kind of narrowed down our puppy search to two breeds. Shetland Sheepdog (Sheltie) or an Australian Shepherd (Aussie). We decided against anything tea-cup or toy breeds because of health problems and yappy-tiny-dog problems because we've heard these issues are pretty prevalent in smaller breeds... even though they are so stinkin' cute. Both the Sheltie and the Aussie are herding dogs, but they are easy to train, highly intelligent, and love being with people constantly. They both require a lot of exercise so they don't get destructive, but I'm okay with that.  Really Matt and I want a dog that can be a great companion to the both of us. I know it is going to be a while before Matt and I are financially able to have kids, so a little puppy to chase after and train will be a good :) We decided we would wait until after the wedding and the honeymoon before we officially adopted our little pooch and I'm SO excited!

 This is a red merle Australian Shepherd. I LOVE the merles. They come in Blue and Red and I think both of them are simply gorgeous.

This is a blue merle Sheltie. Shelties end up looking like miniature collies when they're full grown, which is perfect :)

Yay puppies! 

Stretched

You know the feeling you get when you forget a paper is due an hour before you're supposed to turn it in? Or the way you feel when you know you're about to get in trouble? What about the nagging feeling that something is wrong, but you simply can't put your finger on it? 
That is sort of how I feel almost all hours of the day. 
I can tell that God is currently stretching my faith right now. I mean, this entire deployment has been quite a learning experience in faith already. Recently, God officially took me out of my "deployment comfort zone." I don't want to go into all the details but lets just say, this shit just got real. The events don't really matter. More importantly, is the way I reacted and continue to react to the trials put before me and my fellow soldiers.  
I can't say that my faith is such that I don't worry about anything that happens over here. I do worry. There are times that I'm scared, that I'm terrified, but those are the times I simply have to give it all to God. I simply have to put my trust and my life in Jesus. What's interesting is that "simply putting my trust and my life into Jesus' hands" is a constant prayer I have to have. My fears are never completely dissipated, however my fears do not control me, and that is how I know I'm growing. 
It is hard. I want to come home so bad. I want to come home and stay home. I want to feel safe. I want to eat good food, and kiss my husband, and bask in the feeling of security. But that isn't where God wants me right now. Right now, I'm on a journey that requires complete separation from my normal comforts. I believe it is Gods way for me to make it a habit to continually talk to him. And I am certainly getting there because if I wasn't in continual conversation with God, I really might have gone crazy by now. 


Well. I've now had two blogs in a row that were spiritually in depth. Not that there is a problem with that, but I believe too, that serious conversation should be balanced with light hearted conversation. 
I tore out all my favorite photographs from Vogue, Glamour, and various other magazines I've collected since being here, and taped them up on my wall. I'm very pleased with this and I think my friend, Shelbi, would be pleased as well. It definitely helps my chu feel a little more... I don't know. I don't want to say "at home." This is not home. But it makes me feel better when I see vintage-esque Dior adds hanging up on my wall. 
PS: Everyone needs to feel GREAT about being allowed to, basically, wear whatever the hell they want. Wearing the same uniform every day for over 365 days, to include nights and weekends, is NOT fun. 

 This just needed to get on here because it is an a-mazing shot taken by one of our crew chiefs during an awesome lightening storm we had the other day. 

                                                   And this is on my wall. And I love it. 

Focus

Recently, I've been full of hope. This hope, I can only suppose is God-Given because my tour here has not always been one that I could call "hopeful." There have been many days I've walked around in something of a haze. My section has become depleted in its numbers and sometimes months seem like years and it's all I feel I can do to keep from going under. However, I've remained steadfast in my faith and I've worked hard on bringing everything to God. At night, when I'm lying in bed, ready for the sweet reverie of sleep, I make sure the first thing I say to God is thank you. Not just thanks for the friends and family I have back home. Not just thanks for the beautiful life I have waiting for me when I return. I tell him thank you for the gifts I have right here in Iraq--
I'm continually fed. I have a ton of food at my disposal from the DFAC and from care packages I've received from loved ones. I'm warm and dry at night with the ability to control the temperature of my room. I sleep comfortably in my jersey sheets and comforter, with my fan and my air conditioner blowing. 
I have clothes on my back. The army has prepared me for the second ice age and for global warming all with the same clothing issue. 
Despite the distance, Matt and I are flourishing in our relationship. If it's possible, I'm more in love with him now than I was the last time we said goodbye. And so, I'm thankful for the distance. It's funny how two people can be so far apart and yet continue to grow so close together. I know it is Gods doing. Refiners Fire. The Potters Wheel. And all the other biblical terms explaining the experiences we go through are part of a plan to make us into Gods best version of ourselves. And that is this time we have apart. 
And so, I've been filled with hope. I can't focus on the things I don't have, I can only focus and be thankful for the things I DO have. That doesn't stop me from thinking about the people back home. It doesn't mean I don't talk about what it will be like to go home. But now, I talk about it with an air of hope instead of an air of longing. It makes a big difference. As of right now, I'm thankful for Gods insight in me, and I'm thankful for a mind at peace. 

It's been almost four months since we said goodbye. 

I wish I didn't hate.....

RUNNING. I HATE RUNNING. But I really wish I didn't hate it. Both my brothers are excellent runners. I'm talking 12-minutes-to-run-two-miles kind of runners. And they've been doing it since their little toddlers legs could carry them. And then there's me. The best two mile run I've ever done was 16:15.... in the middle of basic training.... And of course I didn't keep up with running when I got home. Every now and then I go out and run two miles to make sure I can still pass my PT test. And I do pass. But I hate every second of it. Here is my list of why I hate running.

#1 - Do to the over pronation of my feet, my knees turn in slightly when I walk. When I run, its worse and it forces my legs to kick out to the side when I run. As Matt so gently put it, "You look like a baby giraffe learning to walk right after it came tumbling out of its mom." Not only is this slightly embarrassing, I really think it effects how well I run. I think if my arches, feet, and knees were normal, I would have an easier time of things.

#2 - Side stitches. I don't remember the last time I ran and didn't get one. They hurt. It's either a sharp pain right under my rib cage or right around my hip bone. It drives me crazy because even when I feel good running, all the sudden I'll get one, and they're debilitating. I'll feel great for the first 10 minutes of a run, and then WHAM! Side-stitch. My 7:30 minute mile turns into a 9:00 or even 9:30 minutes mile. I get SO frustrated.

#3 - I hate running without music, but to run around here, you can't have ear plugs in unless you run on a treadmill or a track. I hate running on treadmills. I hate feeling like I'm not going anywhere. I hate running on tracks. I hate running in the same spot/in circles for more than 10 minutes.

And those are my main reasons for hating to run. However, there are so many more reasons to keep running!

1# It's good for your heart.
2# It's the best all around work out your body can get.
3# It especially works those lower abdominals that are so hard to form.
4# It's the best way to lose weight and then keep it off (Not a problem for me yet, but one day, I'm going to have children and one day my metabolism IS going to slow down. When that day comes, I want to be in love with running haha)
5# Lots of other benefits that I can't think of off the top of my head.

So if anyone has any running tips for me, I'll take them. Also, if anyone has any great work out songs, send them my way so I can DL them. I'm always looking for new stuff to listen to.
Alright, no more ranting about running.

There has been a baby born on facebook every month for the last four months. And it only looks to be continuing. However, I seem to be short on June babies. Maybe in June, my baby fever will finally start to ebb. But all these super pregnant mama's-to-be and all these brand-spankin-new-bundles-of-baby-joy are only making me want one more! Poor, Matt. I probably mention having a baby at least 5/7 days a week. This is why, when I get home, we will be getting a puppy. That should keep us busy and me content for a year or so. Despite how much I want a baby, Matt and I both know that we need to be financially ready first. Plus, we want to enjoy living in the same continent, state, city, and house for a while. So fortunately for Katie, this means baby Elizabeth will be the most spoiled baby that ever happened to the Earley family. I'm also planning on getting a job doing something with childcare when I get back, even though I swore I would never work at a pre-school/day-care ever again. I still might not... I'd really like to be a part-time nanny. Watching two or three kids is a lot easier and less stressful than watching 6-14 kids (depending on the age group).
Okay, enough about babies.

Currently...

I spend vast amounts of time looking at the 2011 calendar. Some people might think this is a bad idea considering I've still got months left until my deployment is over, however, I find it quite cathartic. There is something about breaking apart the days that are left in April, and adding the months until July to celebrate the birth of my first biological niece, and then it's just August and September doesn't really count. I literally spent 45 minutes looking at a calendar online so I could mentally prepare myself for the months ahead. I was strangely calmed. Maybe its because we're already making plans to get the heck out of dodge. Don't get excited. Not plans to leave early. Just plans for when it happens. Its nice to think that we're already thinking about leaving. Other nice thoughts of the day include: 


*I'll be home for Halloween
*Melissa is going to plan one heck of a Bachelorette party. 
*Wedding Shower(s)!!!!!!!! 
*My user name on Etsy is catiecastleman. (I also spend a ridiculous amount of time on Etsy. It is currently my new addiction.)
*I'll be home for Thanksgiving
*Babies R Us is not blocked at work, so I found Katie and Lee's registry and made plans to buy EVERYTHING... okay, not everything... but lots of things! Is it considered tithing to spend your 10% on your brother and sister-in-laws baby shower? 
*My veil has been picked out and bought! Thanks, mom! It is absolutely lovely. No, it isn't any of the ones I had shown on here. 
*I'm not so bad at Black Jack... not be confused with Jack Black... which is what I wrote the first time I posted this blog. 
*It doesn't matter how bold coffee is, if you add enough creamer, it won't be bold anymore. (<--- So crafty) 
*This
*My little sister is super awesome and talented AND she's now a first degree red-belt! Sooo basically my sister can kick your sisters arse. Just sayin'. 
*The song 'Delicate' by Damien Rice is perfection. 

Oh and the Civil Wars song of the day is their cover of Dance me to the end of Love. 

Doubt Vs. Faith

So I thought it might be fun to take notes on my blog as I listen to the audio CD's from Crossroads current series "Heavy Weights." Today's heavy weight is 'Doubt Vs. Faith.'


- A faith without some doubts is like a human body without any antibodies in it. People who go through life too busy or too indifferent to ask hard questions as to why they believe as they do, will find themselves defenseless.- Tim Keller. 


- Relational Faith. God is not just a math equation to be figured out. God is a being who wants to have a relationship with you. 


- "I believe, but help me with my unbelief." 


Those were just a few things that struck me. As I look back on my own journey of faith and doubt, I can honestly say that every legitimate doubt to my faith, has been answered. If it was something that struck a chord and caused me worry about the validity of what of I believe, I have had a faithful answer from God. However, I have to be more specific and say it usually wasn't an answer I heard in prayer, it wasn't a note that was suddenly dropped on my doorstep. I hold true to a verse in Proverbs (I think) to show how God answers prayers of doubt.
"Indeed if you call out for insight and call aloud for understanding and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will  understand the fear of the lord and find the knowledge of God." Every time I've ever had a doubt, I have prayed for understanding and then God sends a book, or a person, and my questions are answered and my faith secured. I've had to research and I've spent hours questioning, searching, and finding the answers, but God always provides. I think the time we spend researching our doubts is a declaration of faith and love to him.
I'm glad my parents encouraged us (my siblings and I) to ask questions about God. I think they would both tell you that I might have been the most inquisitive. Really it was just one question over and over again. I was that annoying child that had to ask "why?" at every turn in the conversation. So from an early age, I've been naturally prone to ask questions. And though my faith has been shaken many times before, it has not been lost. Although things have not always gone my way, I can see those things I hated in the moment were lessons God used to make me grow. And that's pretty much all I got for the day :) 

I Will Carry You (Audrey's Song)

So in the last care package my mom sent me, she also sent a brand new Selah CD. It's definitely one of their best ones. They usually sing hymns, but their arrangement for each of these timeless compositions, is simply stunning. However, they do throw in some contemporary pieces. 'I Will Carry You' is an original work that I believe was written by Amy (the female lead) for Todd (the male lead) and his wife. Here is the story. 
Todd and his wife, Angie, were do to have their third little girl. But at one of their check ups, they got some of the worst news that any expecting parents could get. The doctor told them that their little girl had developed many complications. He told them her lungs would never fully develop, her heart was enlarged, and if she were to live to full term, she would immediately gasp for breath and probably not live longer than five minutes. The doctor suggested an abortion but Todd and Angie decided they would keep their girl alive as long as God willed her to be. And so Angie had a c-section. Audrey cried, but she didn't gasp for breath. She lived two and a half hours and then passed quietly. 

So I listened to this song the first time without knowing the story behind it. Then I got curious. So I researched it and listened to the song again. I love the song, it is absolutely beautiful. It's at a perfect place for my voice to sing but I literally can't get through this song without BALLING my eyes out. I'm talking, complete and total wreck.. sobbing, hiccups, the works. I don't even have children. I don't know what it is like to bring life into the world, so I certainly don't know what it's like for it to be taken away two and a half hours later, but something about this story and this song makes my heart ache. God bless the parents of this little girl. 


There were photographs i wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this? 
People say that I'm brave but I'm not
Truth is I`m barely hanging on
But there`s a greater story
Written long before me
Because he loves you like this

So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And i will praise the one who`s chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But i know
That the silence
Has brought me to his voice
And he says

I`ve shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And i will praise the one who`s chosen me
To carry you 

It's Official

I'm absolutely sick and tired of eating the same stuff at the DFAC (dining facility for those who need a translation). As far as cafeteria type food goes, it isn't the worst. However, it IS cafeteria food. Imagine eating cafeteria food three meals a day, every day, for nine months. There is no Taco Bell, there is no McDonalds, there is no Applebees, and there are no home-cooked meals. There is only DFAC. My cravings for real food will range from Wendy's to Shogun. Tonight, I was craving sushi. Every night around 11PM, I start craving steak quesadillas from T-Bell or a pizza from Papa Johns. They try to make pizza here, but it is a very sad attempt. I'm pretty sure the pizza sauce is just ketchup.  It's a damn shame. 


On a lighter note, Matt and I have a new friend. Swee the Rat. Swee is a product of a typo from this mornings g-chat conversation. I don't know what we were talking about, but I answered Matts with, "Okay, sweetherat." Of course, I was trying to type out 'sweetheart' and I think most people would have simply accepted the typo for what it was and moved on. But not Matt. He saw Swee the Rat and so Swee the Rat came into being. Matt was so taken by his typo born rodent, that he immediately set out to bring him to life. 

And it took him an hour of dedicated concentration to come up with this.  Reason 800 as to why I love my husband. 

A Most Excellent Day Off

I don't get to sleep-in ever since I started doing the choir here. Church is at 10 and I like to get there early to warm-up my voice. I usually wake up around 8:30 but not being able to sleep in doesn't bother me. It's better than waking up at 7:30, which is my normal wake up call the other 6 days of the week. Plus, it is a good way to start my day. Sleeping in is nice, but usually leaves me feeling very lazy and unmotivated to do anything. After church today, I walked to the PX and bought some frozen meals to heat up in my room and a few other odds and ends. Then, I cleaned my side of the Chu. I vacuumed and re-organized and put up new air fresheners. 
Then I spent a few hours and went over the 60 something cards I got from Mrs. Haskins 7th grade class. Matt goes to church with her, and apparently she was very touched by our story and had all her students send me cards. I loved it. I loved reading every single one of them. So I wrote them back and I answered the questions that some of them asked me. I'm waiting to send all the note until I buy my camera next month. I'd love to include pictures of where I work, what my Chu looks like and so on.... Yes, I know. They need to be put on here and on facebook. I promise, I as soon as I get that camera I'll be putting all kinds of pictures up!  
I finally broke open the Masterpiece Theatre version of Pride and Prejudice. I'm loving it. I'm trying to only watch a little bit at a time, but its hard to pace myself. 


So a lot of exciting things are happening for Matt in LA. Like, SUPER exciting things. He's signed with two agents. One will represent him for Commercial jobs only, the other will represent him for Film and Television. He has an audition for Groundlings, which is a very reputable improv school/performing arts center thing that a ton of SNL veterans have gone through. So if he can put that training on his resume, it's going to look very good. He's also made a lot of big connections with important people and everything seems to be going so smooth, I couldn't be happier. But I'm curious what God has in store. More than anything, we both want to end up back in Cincinnati. We would be just fine living close to our families with Matt working at one of the sites for Crossroads, or something like that. Sometimes, I think that LA is too glamorous and too far away from everything that I've ever known and every one that I love. The prospect of Matt making a lot of money in LA doesn't outweigh the homesickness for Cincinnati/Louisville. On the other hand, I do love a good adventure. And anywhere Matt is, that is home.


OH! One more thing. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!  Yep, its my dads 52 birthday! He might be half a century old + 2 years, but he's a kid at heart! LOVE YOU DAD! 

He's the one cheesin' next to me! And those are my grandparents, who are in their 70's and looking just as fabulous as ever. The Earley's age well :) 

I Laughed and Cried for 30 Minutes.

Because Matts care package finally came. And when it did I found the BEST and most AMAZING gift in there from my friends and family. I can honestly say that this DVD of the people I love, was the most touching, most effective, most special thing I could have received on my birthday. I can't even express my gratitude for having such crafty, loving people in my life. I am SO blessed. I am blessed to have family and friends that love me so much. So here are my thanks you's in no particular order/from what I can remember in my head. 


To my family: I love how how stupid and hysterical we are. I miss it so much. I love that we can all get together and laugh and talk no matter how long it has been since we have all seen each other. I am so blessed to have such amazing grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters and a soon to be niece! 
To my other family: Michelle, Mark, and Grandma, thank you for always being their for me. From the day Matt and I started dating, you treated me like your daughter and welcomed me with open arms. I am so grateful for that. It is no problem considering you all my family because its been this way for a little over two years now :) 
To Jamie (and Jack the Cat): Thank you SO much for leaving me a message. I can't wait to get home either because me, you, and Whitney are going to do some major shopping therapy AND I can't wait to talk with you about make-up for the wedding! 
To Whitney: First of all, I'm in love with your voice and the fact that I'm pretty sure you did my birthday song to the tune of  "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas." That's awesome. Second of all, on the way to shopping therapy, we're going to have to bust out some more Celine Dion, Glee and 80's rock ballads. 
To Laura (and everyone in the room at SETC): Thank you for the most solemn and then breathless birthday wishes ever! You made me smile and then miss you like crazy!  
To Hannah: "And maybe when you get home, you can get pregnant too and get super fat cause its super fun." I already posted this on your facebook, but it needed to be on here as well because I really did almost fall off my bed and I also laughed so hard my room mate couldn't tell if I was laughing, crying, or choking... PS: I hope I look as great as you when I get pregnant. 
To Sheridan and Adam: Thank you for the birthday wishes! I can't wait to get out to California and see you all again! 
To Melissa and Shelbi: Technology fail big time, but I still love and miss you guys like crazy. I'm not sure what happened with your video, but I could tell you were excited to tell me Happy Birthday! 
To Andrew Maloney: Thank you for wishing me happy birthday in Times Square in New York City. It didn't make me jealous. At all. Nope. Not. at. all.... okay maybe a little bit. 
To Chris Downy: This song is probably what is going to make you famous... just saying. But seriously, I loved it. I also love that Meghan had a Zelda themed happy birthday video as well. This means the Zelda Posse is alive in all of us to this day. PS: You're awesome and I miss you and I really hope you'll be able to make it to the wedding so Matt and I don't have to wait until 2016 to get married. 
To Roderick: You always make me smile. I miss you and love you! 
To Andrea: Your message was simple and sweet and I really appreciate you taking the time to wish me a happy birthday while you're busy in South Africa! Seriously, it means a lot and I hope the next few days you have in SA are blessed and filled with beautiful memories. 
To Meghan and the Gorons and Link and Navi: hahahahahahahahahaHA! Your message was perfect. I can't even handle it. I wish you would video blog more adventures of you in Hyrule. You have always been SO clever and artsy and so freakin' cute I can't stand it. I love you and miss you more than I can possibly say. PS: New Zelda coming out at the end of this year... I demand an entire day 
devoted to playing it. 
To Emma: Oh my heck, I miss your craziness. You make me laugh without even trying. I miss you so much! 
Nic and Austin: Nic, I appreciate your resourcefulness in communicating happy birthday to me. Austin, I didn't hear YOUR phone explaining why you couldn't talk... mhm. Haha, but seriously, I love you both and I hope the both of you are doing great! 
To Fatty Matty G: You're a douche. Kthxbye. Haha, just kidding, but seriously. That was a mean trick you played on me... I really thought you had booked a flight to Iraq to come see me :( Maybe in a few months?! I miss you and love you, and in the future, we'll be spending time in LA together! 
To The Huddle and Andy Pipkin: It's nice to finally put names with faces! Thank you for the great birthday song and I hope to be meeting you all not to long from now!  


Well I think that's everyone. Oh wait. One more. 
To The Most Wonderful Man In the World: 
Words can't truly express how much I love you. Thank you for putting this together for me. I know you were stressing out about it, but everything ended up perfectly. Everything you do for me only shows me how much you love me and I know I'm the the most blessed girl in the world to have a husband as devoted and loving. Thank you. I love you! 


If I did forget someone, PLEASE let me know. I went through the video and I'm pretty sure I hit everyone, but if I forgot someone I want to know! I Love you all so very much! GOD BLESS!