Praise in Pain

So as part of our pre-marital (just typed martial and it made me laugh a little) counseling, Matt and I have to write a Spiritual Journey paper... talking about our Spiritual Journey we've been on - past present and future. I wrote mine months ago but I haven't turned it into our wedding coordinator yet. After a prompting email from her, I decided I should look it over again and make some last minute adjustments. It sort of made me realize that in the few months since I initially wrote that paper, I have grown SO much as a person. It's sort of weird, because you don't really realize you're growing until you have something to reference back to. It only goes to show that every moment counts. Every time I choose to wake up, work-out, try my best, fail, succeed, and all of that daily stuff, I'm slowly but surely growing as a person. Even more remarkable - I'm growing as a Christian; as a sister in Christ. 
I can't help but praise and thank God for this horrible opportunity in which I have been grown and stretched. Some events force you to grow more in a smaller amount of time and the repercussions of that growth hurt... It's like being sore after a ridiculously long work out. But as you work that muscle further, and the lactic acid recedes, you can see the benefit of your labor... and you know you're stronger for it.  
Overall, this has been a test of endurance. I can honestly say, I have endured and I think I endured well. I'm beginning to thank God even for the challenges. If I'm mad, if I'm sad, if I'm too tired to think, if I'm homesick - I am learning how to praise God for those feelings and for testing me in order to grow me. 
To sum it all up - this place sucks, and I don't ever want to repeat this year, but it has all been an important life lesson that I wouldn't have learned any other way. Praise and thanks be to God. 


In other news, I am ridiculously excited about Autumn this year. It has definitely become my favorite season. And because I love lists so much, I'm going to list, in no particular order, the reasons why I think Autumn is da best. 


1) Leaves changing color = Beautiful 
2) Leaves changing color, dying, falling off branches = Catie jumping in a leaf pile. 
3) Leaf Piles = FUN! 
4) Halloween is awesome even as an adult. I can still dress up as whatever I want. However, I've replaced walking along the streets with my mom and dad in the search for copious amounts of candy for a party with friends and copious amounts of alcohol :) - Okay, not copious amounts. But I don't mind trading my king size Milky Way for a beer. 
5) I love the way the beginning of fall feels. It's crisp, its cool - but not freezing. 
6) I love the way fall has a progression of smells. It starts out with the smell of bonfires and leaves. As November comes along it smells like a mixture of cranberry sauce, baked pies, and turkey... for obvious reasons. And December smells like cinnamon and pine and snow soon to come. 
7) I have an obsession with outerwear. 
8) I love to break out my boots, hats, gloves and scarves. 
9) I love my family and I get to see them more in three months of fall than I do the other 9 months of the year. 
10) I wait 11 months to hear nothing but Christmas Carols for an entire month. 
11) Black Friday Tradition. 
12) Food. 
13) Lights. Decorations. CHRISTMAS VILLAGES! 
14) Wedding anniversary :) 
15) Wedding ceremony 
16) Scented candles 
17) Holiday movies make my heart warm. 
18) Hot Chocolate/hot cider .... not-spiked or spiked. Both are fiiiine. 
19) Snugglin' with muh hubs. 
20) Birth of sweet Baby Jesus - I saved the best for (second to) last. My entire list wouldn't mean as much to me if I wasn't so blessed with the life I have.  And the life I have is because of the Grace I have received. And the Grace I have received is because of the baby who was born who later died for my sins - even though it is pretty much decided that Jesus was most definitely not born in December. However, I think he's cool with it. 

I plan on doing this when I get home. Oh yeah, 21) I'LL BE HOME FOR GOOD!  


Side note: I realize that Christmas actually sort of straddles seasons and is technically in the season of Winter, which I don't love as much and it might be my third or last favorite season of the year - But basically October - January 1st is my favorite. 

The Capulets Vs. Montegues ... or Active Duty Vs. Reserve

As most of you know, I've spent a good deal of time away from home, starting last August. Some will remember the month long hiatus I took from work in July in which many 4loko were purchased, many movies were watched, many memories were made. When I told people I was going to be deployed, they asked when. The easiest answer was sometime in the early months of 2011, but there would be roughly six months of training that will lead up to it before I headed over. August-October 10th was spent in Wisconsin and Ft. Knox. October 10th through the beginning of the year was spent at Ft. Hood.


This is a bi-product of our training.


Needless to say - if you read the article, and read the comments - I am quite offended and extremely frustrated with this age-old feud between the active duty components and the reserve components, which is what I fall under.  So. Here is my response to a few of those comments.




Quit whining, Soldiers! Mad cause you couldn't go out drinking and clubbing every night?


-First of all. This congressional addressed many more issues not stated in this article other
than the prohibition of alcohol. It was eight pages long, stating regulations, describing in full
detail all of the issues we had through-out the entire MOB process. Our orders were for 400
days but that doesn’t count the two months of active duty TPU soldiers spent doing RTC and
gunnery before heading to Ft. Hood.


Some reservists don't get it. when in the Middle East there isn't much alcohol, you are confined to base, and can't wear civvies. What kind of Army did they think they were getting into? Boy Scouts can't even go home at night (leave the base) when at Camp Makajawan for two weeks.
178 Honorable Discharges.....and immediately please.


Actually, at least half of our task force has veterans from the Gulf war, Bosnia, and at
least one tour to Iraq previous to the current one we’re serving. There are also many who have previously been active duty and then switched to the reserves.  We don’t “get it?” How about months before active duty is slotted to go to war, they get sequestered from their families and get their basic rights taken away so they can “acclimate” to the way its going to be over here. Did we expect to train hard? Yes. And we did. There were field training exercises every other week, all of the staff worked 12 hours a day, everyone was allowed one day off a week... but on the majority of the weekends, when the active duty unit training us went to go be with their families and we weren't running any kind of training operations what were we supposed to think/do? By the time our training was over, most everyone was saying, “I can’t wait to get to Iraq.” 
Also, being confined to base in Ft. Hood is one thing – being confined in a FOB in the middle of a war zone is another. Nobody is trying to sneak off the FOB to go find the hang out spots in Iraq. And let’s not fool ourselves, despite the rules, there are still alcohol related incidents IN country. Those who are irresponsible are going to be irresponsible no matter what general orders say and they should be dealt with accordingly, but don’t punish the entire BN.


That's the problem with reservists...they put the uniform on 26 days a year...and they just don't get it. The reason the active duty folks get "special" treatment is because they wear the uniform 365 days a year (yes, they miss some weekends, holidays, and other "special" events on a regular basis). The folks in charge of preparing the reservists to go into a combat zone feel that you need at least four months of dedicated training prior to risking your lives. Would you rather they give you "special" treatment and then let you get your --- blown off? Yes, this has been a long war and you have sacrificed...but your active duty brothers and sisters sacrifice themselves every day of every year. You can quit any time...can our active service members to the same
thing?


-Our training for this deployment has been a three year task of continual gunnery, TDY (temporary duty) classes for most MOS’s, and extended drill weekends for training – couple that with a civilian job, school, and a family. Not to mention those who are AGR (Active Guard and Reserve). They ARE active duty, and they continually give up one weekend a month to train with TPU’s on drill weekend. Also, there is no “quitting whenever you want to.” It is just as hard to for us to be discharged as it is for active duty. We have a contract as well. 6 years active reserve and 2 years inactive reserve is the shortest contract offered for a reservist. We aren't asking for “special treatment.” We’re just asking for equal treatment.


Lastly, I understand and agree with a longer segment of training for reservists before entering a warzone. However, hard work and training should be rewarded somewhere. There was no reward, there was no light at the end of the tunnel except to finally leave “The Great Place” and get to Iraq. I am one of the 178 who signed and PROUD of it. I’d also like to vouch for CPT Docimo and say that he is a very smart and capable, pilot, and company commander.


So that's it. Just needed to get those few things off my chest. 


Whew, I feel much better now.

Oopsie!

I can't believe I let nearly one month go by before I wrote something on my blog. In my defense, it has been very busy here. I'm consistently working anywhere between 11-14 hours a day and I've started waking up at 5:45 AM to do my PT. It makes for a long day especially when you add choir. However, it helps the time go by faster. It also makes me neglect certain things like blogs, wedding planning, writing letters back to people etc. The only person I talk to with any frequency back home is Matt... which is as it should be. But still, I feel bad because I simply don't have the energy to talk to people as I would like to. This place is draining and I think the majority of the drainage comes from the people. I think we're all draining each other at this point. We need more than one day of not seeing each other. I'm speaking very generally here... I don't really have an issue with anyone. Certainly there are people that I don't enjoy being around, but I basically get along with everyone.

Despite my month of inactivity, there isn't much that's changed or much to report. It is literally the same shit, different day... and even the days are indistinguishable. Right now, every day is Monday. Except for Sunday. Sunday is still Sunday because that is my day off. So as you can see, there aren't very many variables in my day to day life. The next big thing I'm looking forward to is the birth of my very first Niece, Elizabeth! She's do in less than a week,  however it is Katie's first baby, so I'm sure she'll be fashionably late. I simply can't wait to meet her. I'm SO looking forward to the day that I get to hold my baby niece in my arms. Yay Babies!!!!

Maybe I'll feel more inspired when I've had more sleep. To sum things up - I'm doing well, everyone is annoyed, the days are drifting by, babies are great, and I'm really tired. I think that about covers it. I'll leave you with this.

Walking outside into this temperature makes me want to die. 

Obsessed.

2001 marks the year that I became obsessed with everything Lord of the Rings. I had never even heard of these books, nor anticipated the movies until I saw The Fellowship of the Ring. It was actually by happenstance that I even saw it in the first place. I remember the month prior my uncle took me to see the first Harry Potter movie. That was supposed to be our thing. He promised my brothers he would take them to see FOTR and that would be their thing. I remember being excited and quite pleased with Harry Potter, but still slightly disappointed that the feelings I got when I read the book weren't evoked as strongly when I saw the movie.
And then I saw The Fellowship of the Ring.
I don't know that I've ever been so lost in a movie. Not lost, as in, unable to understand what was going on. But lost in the way you lose track of time, reality, and the ability to swallow because your mouth is hanging open. I'm pretty sure I ended up seeing FOTR somewhere around seven times in theaters. I also remember throwing a FIT because my mom wouldn't take me to go see it again/pay for me to see it again. It was bad. When the movie was finally released on VHS, (DVD's were still kind of new and I'm pretty sure we didn't own a DVD player yet) I bought the movie the very same day. I had gone months without seeing it. I watched as many videos as I could online, I looked at stills from the movie, I joined fan-sites, I stalked Orlando Bloom and claimed him as my own as if he knew I existed... Pre-teens have very obsessive behaviors.
So anyway, that was my life for over three years. Counting down from trailer to trailer, reading all I could, watching FOTR daily. For at least a month straight, I came home from school and popped in that freakin' movie and watched it from beginning to end. I still know all the lines and can pretty much say them verbatim. I have witnesses. Same thing with The Two Towers, though I'm not as familiar with that script.
Sometime after Return of the King came out, my obsession ebbed, I realized that Orlando Bloom wasn't my crush, it was actually just Legolas and he isn't real :( But to this day, I still feel very strongly about these movies. Everything about them is perfect to me. The acting, the directing, the costumes, the cinematography, HOWARD SHORE! I'm pretty sure the score for LOTR is one of the most brilliant scores ever composed into existence. If the music weren't so moving and powerful or soft and graceful in the right parts, then it would take a lot away from the experience of the movies. And here's the best part.

It's happening all over again.

That's right. Found a video on facebook of Peter Jacksons first day of filming of The Hobbit. alsjkdflasjfd. I'm getting taken back to my 7-9 grade experience. I feel that wonderful longing and excitement that I felt those 8-10 years ago. SO glad. I just finished re-reading The Hobbit and I'll probably start on The Fellowship of the Ring tomorrow. I'm obsessed. I'm quite a dork. And I'm perfectly okay with acknowledging and accepting that.  So I'll leave you with this.

It is late and I don't have time to re-read this and edit. I'm sure there are many mistakes because I wrote this in a fit of excitement. 

I love wedding planning.

I really do! And not just for myself. In the process of figuring details out for my own wedding, I've planned about 10 other weddings in my head. Maybe I should be a wedding planner... but then again, I think I would get very frustrated with some of the choices people might make. 
Right now I'm most excited about my flower girl dresses and the ceremony music! My mom sent me fabric samples for the flower girl dresses because I'm actually kind of designing the dresses myself... I say dresses because I'm having TWO flower girls. I decided one wasn't enough. Okay, actually I saw a picture in Billy Grubbs studio of two little Asian girls walking down the aisle together and I immediately thought, "I'll be having two flower girls in my wedding, thank you very much." Anyway, after looking at hundreds of flower girl dresses, I basically decided I hated all of them and for some reason, I need to love the flower girl dresses. Maybe its because I was never a flower girl, and I always wanted to wear some kind of pretty, frufru dress, and walk down an aisle daintily throwing petals. So now I'm taking my flower girl frustrations out on making sure the flower girls look perfect. #Flowergirlcomplexat22. 
So, I'm having the dresses made by a friend of the family who use to make wedding dresses. This friend of the family is also taking my wedding dress from a size 8 down to a size whatever-the-heck-dress-size-I-am. So she's amazing.  

The little girl looking at the camera is wearing the dress that is similar to what I want for my flower girls. The skirt will be that length, but a little less full and the sash will be the same color and material as the bridesmaids gowns. The sleeves are 3/4 length (This is a winter wedding after all) and there will be lace that hangs off the end sort of resembling dresses in the 18th century. Think, Felicity, if you happened to ever receive an American Girl magazine. 


As for the music! Well, I'm not going to spoil ALL the fun. All I'm going to say is that I'm so so so excited about the song I'm using to walk down the aisle. It's an SATB choral arrangement composed by Eric Whitacre. The movement, timbre, dynamics, words, and basically everything about the first 53 seconds of the song, is exactly the way I feel about walking down the aisle to spend the rest of my life with Matthew Castleman as his wife. 
The music the bridal party is walking down the isle to is also perfect, in my opinion. It's soft, it's delicate, it's a classical piece, and it reminds me of snow lightly falling on a beautiful wintry day. Yes, that's right, it's the Leanne Rhymes version of "Let it Snow." 
.... 
No it's not. I would never. It is a classical piece though, and it does have a wintry, elegant feel to it. Both of the songs kind of have to have a slower pace because, unlike Kate Middleton, I don't have five minutes of Abby to walk down. It's actually the one draw back about the chapel in Crossroads. I would like a longer aisle. Oh well, I'm forcing everyone to keep it at about .05MPH. 
I'm still looking for music for the lighting of the unity candle. I don't know if that's just a Catholic thing or not, but I like it, so I'm doing it. 
As for the recessional (is that the right word?) music... the music that Me, Matt, and the rest of the bridal party walk back down the aisle to... Well, it's going to be great. I'll just say that. 


YAY! I actually listened to all the songs while I was typing this and it got me even more excited. It's a little more than six months away! YES!!! 

Consecutive Blogs!

Crazy, huh?! I haven't done two blogs in a row for a while but I feel like blogging... not about anything in particular. It's sort of a question I ask myself whenever I get online. "Do I feel like blogging today?" ... "No." And I basically go off that question. Sometimes, I feel prompted by God. I would say if anyone ever responded to one of my blogs by saying, "Oh wow, that is really insightful!" ... It didn't come from me. I'll have to start tagging God in those posts.
I got Matt's care packages today!!! YAY! My camera is perfect, I got all kinds of teas and organic honey to sweeten it with, leave in conditioner, snacks, and my bathing suit! Hurray! No more worrying about silly pool people come up to me asking me if I can cover up my shirt and shorts, which cover more than a one piece... but as a general rule for the army - if it makes sense, it's not authorized.
When I opened my packages, I just stared at its contents and reveled in the feeling of being loved by husband. I love that one of the most secure things in my life, is my relationship with him. Even from thousands of miles away, we're so much in love. Sort of sappy and sentimental, I know but I'm so proud of us. We are not one of those couples that are naturally good at long distance relationships. But God has given us the strength to get through it. Not only that, he's blessed our relationship in such a way that I've only grown to love Matt more from the time we've spent apart.  It's going to be 1000 times more amazing when we get to see each other again :)

Ta-da!  New swim suit! Complete with combat boots, M16 and trashy smirk! I sort of decided against putting this up on facebook. I have too many friends on there in the army and I don't feel like dealing with their comments. Yes, they can read my blog but I'm about 85% sure that none of them do. The suit is a little bit big, but I sort of like that it turned into a little mini dress thing instead of a swimsuit... It's better that I don't wear skin tight anything to the pool. 

Things to look forward to!

Time seems to be moving faster than I realized... until I realized it. Now, I feel like the days are crawling. Actually, I'm pretty sure that the last two weeks of the month go by slower than the first two weeks. It's very annoying. I'm trying to just look forward to July. Lots of fun things happen in July... and by lots I mean like one or two. Mainly, Elizabeth will be here! HURRAY! But we'll also be doing some preemptive packing to get up out of herr. The idea of packing makes me o' so very happy.  I've always enjoyed packing. I'm not sure why. Whenever we went on vacations, packing was never an issue for me... not that I pack things well, but I enjoy the process of getting ready to leave. I guess it was the anticipation of the vacation.
I'm currently counting down until I get Matt's care packages! They should be here any day. I'm excited to have a camera and a swim suit! Yay for husbands being awesome!

Matt and I have kind of narrowed down our puppy search to two breeds. Shetland Sheepdog (Sheltie) or an Australian Shepherd (Aussie). We decided against anything tea-cup or toy breeds because of health problems and yappy-tiny-dog problems because we've heard these issues are pretty prevalent in smaller breeds... even though they are so stinkin' cute. Both the Sheltie and the Aussie are herding dogs, but they are easy to train, highly intelligent, and love being with people constantly. They both require a lot of exercise so they don't get destructive, but I'm okay with that.  Really Matt and I want a dog that can be a great companion to the both of us. I know it is going to be a while before Matt and I are financially able to have kids, so a little puppy to chase after and train will be a good :) We decided we would wait until after the wedding and the honeymoon before we officially adopted our little pooch and I'm SO excited!

 This is a red merle Australian Shepherd. I LOVE the merles. They come in Blue and Red and I think both of them are simply gorgeous.

This is a blue merle Sheltie. Shelties end up looking like miniature collies when they're full grown, which is perfect :)

Yay puppies!